Power Struggle With God

I have had a really bad few weeks.  As you have probably noticed I haven’t really posted much because I have been struggling with a lot.  Some of the things I might talk about eventually, but I am afraid to open that now.

I always know in the back of my head that God is in control, however there are so many times I feel like I know better!  I pray so hard for something and then when it doesn’t happen I get angry and confused.  It never fails that somewhere down the road I understand why He lovingly told me no…and yet I still let this cycle happen.

I have been seeking God so much lately with my struggles with depression and anxiety.  I have had a rough summer with the girls and I cry out to Him for help and answers.  I feel like I am constantly failing as a mother and I am forever letting my girls down.  I am not the mother I want them to have and I pray for answers, patience, understanding, compassion, faith, grace, mercy, and everything else.  However I feel like He doesn’t hear me.

I came to my wits end this past weekend and spent most of the weekend crying and feeling like running away.  I just wanted to walk away from it all and quit.  I was done trying to get my girls to stop fighting, I was done trying to get them to respect me, I was over the baby constantly crying, I was sick of my husband constantly working long days and being stressed to the max when he got home.  I wanted to quit…..

Then I heard this song by Lauren Daigle and I heard my Savior tell me that He hears me, He loves me, and He cares. The first lines of this song just stopped me in my tracks Monday morning and I lost it.  I knew He was answering my prayers and I finally felt peace during this storm and I gave it all to Him.  Greg and I are trying to make some tough decisions and I feel at peace just giving it to God and letting Him lead us to where He wants us.

Letting go of every single dream.  I lay each one down at your feet. Every moment of my wandering, never changes what You see. I tried to win this war I confess.  My hands are weary, I need Your rest.

What a truly amazing God I serve and I am so thankful that He loves me more than I deserve.

If you are struggling with something right now, I strongly encourage you to take 4 minutes and listen to this beautiful song!

I hope you all have a great Wednesday!!



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Stressed Mommy Review

So as a mom to 3 little girls we are always looking for some fun things to do together.  We love doing makeup, facials, nails, and dressing up.  It is something that the girls have started to really enjoy and even started their YouTube channel to showcase it!  So when Stressed Mommy reached out to me to try some of their products and I found out they were safe for the girls as well….I was SO EXCITED!!

This company has the cutest name first of all…cuz we are all stressed mommies!  They also have great customer service and are extremely great to work with.  I got to pick out a few items and you have to try their masks!   The Cool It Charcoal Mask was so amazing and the girls loved trying it out as well and thought it was so fun to put on their faces!  The masks are all natural and comes in a powder form. So all you have to do is mix it with some water and you have an amazing exfoliating facial in no time!  I loved how cool it felt on my skin and with my oily skin it helped dry it up a bit and made my face feel so smooth!

facial mask

I also received some of the lip scrubs and the strawberry one was to die for!  It smelled so good, was all natural, tasted pretty good and made my lips so soft and smooth afterwards.  It comes in a lot of great flavors such as cake batter, chocolate, coffee, pink champagne and toffee!  Pippa always has dry chapped lips and the scrubs have been wonderful for her.  She loves the taste and always talks about how smooth her lips are after she uses it!

strawberry lip scrub

By far my favorite item I tried was the body butter!!  The Coconut Milk Body Butter is AMAZING!!!!  I am kind of a crazy person when it comes to lotion.  I am obsessed with lotions and I have tried hundreds…this one is seriously top 5 on my list and that is contending with some designer lotions!!  This body butter is no joke and it will change your life!  I love using it when I get out of the shower and am still a little damp and it just locks in the moisture!  It seriously lasts all day and it smells so good!  I really can’t say enough about this product.  If you don’t try anything else…you need to give the body butter a try!


Please show this awesome company some love by following them on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook

What product would you want to try? 




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Parenting With Anxiety…

Lets be honest…parenting no matter what is scary and crazy.  When you add someone like me with crazy anxiety it gets even more fun!  Parenting with anxiety is a constant loop of always expecting the worst and making the most out of absolutely nothing.

I am always worrying about the craziest things and my mind is in a constant struggle of…should I say something…am I being crazy….or is this a legitimate concern. I may not seem overly anxious to most people, but I am known for MASSIVE panic attacks in my house!  My poor husband has gotten so good over the years at calming me down and literally telling me when I am being bat shit crazy!!

So let the fun begin….Here are some of my constant and crazy worries!

  1.  A trip to the park can be fun and exciting for most people and some moms even get a little break when they go. NOT ME!!  I am constantly worrying about them getting hurt and how long it is going to take me to get to the emergency room.  They climb up on a jungle gym and I am already calculating their fall and how bad the broken bone will be!!
  2. Most nights can be peaceful for parents…NOT ME!!  I literally stay awake most nights just waiting for one of the kids to come running down the hallway screaming and puking….Literally!!!  Any noise I hear I sit up just knowing it is going to be a week of vomit and sickness.  In reality, it was just a bird outside the window.
  3.  Which brings me to my next anxiety inducer…VOMIT…I instantly start going crazy when the girls are sick.  I will never forget when Finley got her first stomach bug and I spent the entire night hysterically crying because I thought she was going to die!!  I start to panic even if I hear my kids gag….
  4. The whole car seat forward or backward is another anxiety inducing moment.  I mean when do I turn them forward??  These days you are made to feel like a horrible mother if your kids are facing forward before the age of 10!  When I pull into a parking lot I am always looking around to see if someone is looking at the way my kids are facing!
  5. Road trips are the death for me and anyone else with anxiety!!  I could go on forever about all the possible things that could happen during a simple road trip!  A flat tire, run out of gas and have some crazy person murder us all, puking in the car, screaming kids and no where to hide from them, choking on a snack in the back seat….and YES…all of these run through my head!!  SO FUN!!!
  6. Packing for a vacation is crazy for a person with anxiety.  I don’t know about anyone else, but when I pack for a weekend at my in-laws house…it looks like I am packing the whole freaking house!  I have to make sure we have all our “just in case” meds like benadryl, children’s Tylenol, gas drops, teething tablets…plus all the things that might comfort them at night as well.  If we forget something I get so anxious that it can ruin my whole weekend!!
  7. The worst is when little Grey is scooting along on the floor and I see her hand come out of her mouth like she has just put something in there.  I swear she does this on purpose cause she loves watching mommy come running over and scoop at her mouth while frantically asking her what she just ate!!

These are just a few examples of the things that can take my day from good to awful in a matter of seconds.  Anxiety is something that is so hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it.  It is completely debilitating at times and the horrible part is you know you are being ridiculous and yet there is not one thing you can do about it.  With anxiety your mind will always go to the worst case scenario and dwell on it.  I can’t stop my anxiety, I can control it with medicine, but I can’t stop it.

My anxiety prevents me from being the mother I long to be.  It drives me to a place in my mind that I can only concentrate on my thoughts and nothing else. It takes me away from my kids and forces me to not be present.  I hate my anxiety and what it does to me.  Even when I am having good days, I know that eventually it will return.  It doesn’t always stay for long, sometimes I am only anxious for mere minutes, other times it is for a week or two.  It is a small prison that I live in at times and one that more people need to be aware of.  I am not embarassed by my anxiety, I embrace it and use it to help other people I know who struggle with it.  It is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be aware of.  You have to find what helps you cope and stick to it!  I am blessed that my husband is my comfort and my medicine.  One big bear hug from him and it usually helps calm me down.

Do any of you have anxiety?  What helps you cope?



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