I have had a really bad few weeks. As you have probably noticed I haven’t really posted much because I have been struggling with a lot. Some of the things I might talk about eventually, but I am afraid to open that now.
I always know in the back of my head that God is in control, however there are so many times I feel like I know better! I pray so hard for something and then when it doesn’t happen I get angry and confused. It never fails that somewhere down the road I understand why He lovingly told me no…and yet I still let this cycle happen.
I have been seeking God so much lately with my struggles with depression and anxiety. I have had a rough summer with the girls and I cry out to Him for help and answers. I feel like I am constantly failing as a mother and I am forever letting my girls down. I am not the mother I want them to have and I pray for answers, patience, understanding, compassion, faith, grace, mercy, and everything else. However I feel like He doesn’t hear me.
I came to my wits end this past weekend and spent most of the weekend crying and feeling like running away. I just wanted to walk away from it all and quit. I was done trying to get my girls to stop fighting, I was done trying to get them to respect me, I was over the baby constantly crying, I was sick of my husband constantly working long days and being stressed to the max when he got home. I wanted to quit…..
Then I heard this song by Lauren Daigle and I heard my Savior tell me that He hears me, He loves me, and He cares. The first lines of this song just stopped me in my tracks Monday morning and I lost it. I knew He was answering my prayers and I finally felt peace during this storm and I gave it all to Him. Greg and I are trying to make some tough decisions and I feel at peace just giving it to God and letting Him lead us to where He wants us.
Letting go of every single dream. I lay each one down at your feet. Every moment of my wandering, never changes what You see. I tried to win this war I confess. My hands are weary, I need Your rest.
What a truly amazing God I serve and I am so thankful that He loves me more than I deserve.
If you are struggling with something right now, I strongly encourage you to take 4 minutes and listen to this beautiful song!
I hope you all have a great Wednesday!!