Month: November 2015

She Use To Be Mine

“She’s imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

she is hard on herself

She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy but she’s kind

She is lonely most of the time..

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she use to be mine.”

I heard this song the other day from Sara Bareilles and I was mesmerized by it. Ever since becoming a stay at home momma (SAHM) I have felt like my old identity was lost and this new person I had to become was someone I didn’t recognize.  I started to lose myself in this new role Greg and I created for me and I didn’t know how to handle it.  Even after being a SAHM for the past 7 years…I still struggle with this.

I catch myself pausing before I answer questions about myself, because for so long it has been about these little people we created.  I can tell you anything you want to know about my girls, but if you asked me what my hobbies are…I HAVE NO IDEA…does changing diapers and doing laundry count?

I use to have so many hobbies..I loved softball, shopping, hanging with friends (who somehow magically disappear when you have kids), I loved to go dancing, concerts and see movies.  My husband and I would just go to a store and goof off for hours just hanging out. I loved to be in the kitchen for a few hours creating dinners and desserts that were so good.  Then everything changed!

All the sudden I was thrown into an exhausting world of diaper changes, laundry, bottle feeding every couple hours, sleepless nights, worrying constantly about everything, homework, driving everywhere, breaking up fights between sisters over the dumbest things, changing my clothes a few times a day cuz I keep getting spit up on.  According to an article I read on Happyworker.com  mothers spend the equivalent of three 40-hour work weeks changing diapers per child per year and are forced to stop and attend to their toddlers 210 times everyday!

 I of course chose to take on this role, but you don’t realize how far gone you are until you see old photos of yourself and don’t even remember who that was.  It seems so long ago that my world was about me.  Now my whole universe revolves around these tiny terrors angels that I brought into this crazy world.  So how do I get out of this rut I am in?  I have come up with a few ideas to help other mommies like myself who give so much to their kids that they forget about themselves!

  1. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF – This seems so obvious but as mothers we feel guilty about taking a little time for ourselves to regroup or God forbid…RELAX!  In my home I always take a “mommy time-out” if I feel myself starting to get frustrated.  Whether it is doing a little 30 minute workout, or going upstairs to get away from the noise for a while….it helps!!
  2. JOIN SOME SORT OF SOCIAL MEDIA I know a lot of people don’t like social media and that is fine, but it can help connect you to the outside world!  Talk to someone over the age of 6 and see if there are mommy groups you could join.
  3. FIND SOMETHING YOU USE TO ENJOY – I know it is hard to remember a time when you weren’t pregnant or had someone counting on you for everything, but try really hard.  Whether it is cooking, painting, writing..think hard and find that passion again!  Try carving out a little time to indulge in that!
  4. SET A GOAL – Whether it is to committing to workout a couple times a week, or to loose the last few pounds of baby weight, maybe it is to cook 1 big family meal a week..whatever it may be SET IT & STICK TO IT!!  This will help you feel accomplished and satisfied that you set something and you got it done!!

Hopefully some of these tips help, if you have any to add please drop them in the comment section!  I would love to hear what you think!  Below is the song I was talking about, so you all can listen to it!!

xo,

Find out where I am linking up this week!

Titus 2sDay Link-Up Party!

Titus 2 Tuesday #184

Mom Guilt

As a young mom we need to setup a community where we support each other, learn from each other, and build each other up.  I have an amazing husband that tries to understand so many things, but there are just some things he will never understand (labor pain, body changes, hormonal changes, mom guilt..) That last one is a real struggle for me and one that my husband just can’t relate to.

Mom guilt is by far my biggest problem.  I get on Pinterest or Instagram and see all these mothers who look like they have it all together and I start to feel guilty.  I feel like maybe I am not doing enough crafting with the girls, or cooking, or playtime. I start questioning myself if I am letting them watch to much television, not practicing numbers or letters enough.  Am I going to screw them up forever because I might  do have a potty mouth (sometimes it is the most direct way to get my point across).  Am I feeding them enough veggies, fruits, whole grains….the list goes on forever!  I can literally stay up all night with my mind racing about what I am doing wrong.

I try and figure out how to teach my girls to be strong independent women, but still have a soft and vulnerable side.  I want to show them how to be giving, but not be taken advantage of. The thing that scares me the most is I don’t feel like I know how to be like that…let alone teach them how.  How do I teach them to conquer the world and be a strong independent woman when I am a stay at home mom…I rely on my husband for a lot.  We have a very old school relationship (which I love) that he works and I raise the family.  I love doing that, but I don’t want my girls to think that that is what they have to do.

I wish so much that they could have known the side of me that went to college, got a degree in psychology, worked with Autistic children, and actually made a difference for a lot of families and children.  Finley made a comment the other day that just took the wind out of me.  The conversation went like this:

“Mom, I am exhausted!”

“Me to babe, what a crazy day.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t tired like me and daddy…we actually worked all day.  You just stayed at home.”

How do you explain to a 7 year old how difficult it actually is being at home with 3 kids all the time, and I actually have a very important job. No I don’t get paid to do laundry, cook, clean, chauffeur, scheduling, party planning, styling, decorating, and many other things I do.  However I do them out of love and desire to be the best mom I can be.  I need to stop judging my ability as a mother and quit quilting myself into being someone I am not.  I love being a stay at home mom most of the time, and I need to keep reminding myself that I am doing the most important job out there and one day these girls will thank me and appreciate all that I have done for them… or at least I hope they will!

XO,

Ooey Gooey Fudge y Brownies

Ever had the worst sweet tooth…the kind where you just can’t concentrate on anything other than tearing into a huge piece of chocolate something?

Baking for me is a way to calm my anxiety and letting me escape my crazy life for a little while and create something wonderful.  Anytime I start to feel overwhelmed or out of control I have Greg take the girls for an hour and I just bake.  Sometimes it is healthy recipes and other times it is recipes like the one you are about to get.  These little brownies are so sinful they should be on the naughty list!  They are tiny little pieces of ooey gooey goodness. They are a mix between a cakey brownie and a fudge y brownie.  These amazing brownies will fix just about anything.  Whether you have a sweet tooth, headache, cramps, just had surgery…or just need to eat something sinful!  I can’t keep these brownies in the house longer than a couple days after I make them.  The girls and Greg tear through them like they are going out of style.  These are the girls favorite things to make and obviously “taste test.”

 

So lets get into it!

Ingredients:

1 cup Butter

1/2 cup Cocoa (unsweetened)

2 cups All Purpose Flour

2 cups Sugar (I use 1 cup sugar and 1 cup Truvia Baking cuz that is way to much sugar)

4 Eggs

4 tsp vanilla

ingredients

Preheat oven to 350 and prepare a 9×13 pan.

  1. Melt the butter and mix butter and cocoa until smooth
  2. Add flour and sugar and mix, then add each egg one at a time, and vanilla
  3. Batter will be thick!! It won’t be like a cake batter!
  4. Pour into prepared pan and spread until even
  5. Bake 25 minutes or until a knife inserted comes out clean
kids
Make sure your little taste testers approve!

Frosting Ingredients:

1/4 cup softened butter

1/4 cup milk (I use 1%, any is fine)

1/4 cup cocoa powder (unsweetened)

3 cups powdered sugar

a little salt

Mix those all together and spread over the brownies about 5 minutes after they come out of the oven.

 These brownies will be ooey gooey the first night and then the next day they will take on more of a fudge consistency.

brownies
Look at those!

I hope you enjoy these as much as my family does!!  Let me know how you like them!!

XO,

Carole